LOVE

Before I blog the pictures you have all been waiting for, I have had some many thoughts running through my mind about this word, LOVE.
For a long time, I liked the feeling of being wanted, but I never really let people get much further than that. I knew the feeling of being in love, sorta, but I didn't really get what love actually is. Finally, at the ripe old age of 28 I get it. I was pushing LOVE away because I didn't know how to truly LOVE myself. So, how could I truly love another if I didn't love myself?
I am now CHOOSING to love myself. Love is a CHOICE, not a FEELING. I get it. Finally, I get it. I hope this eye opener, that some people learn when they are 5, and some learn when they are 55, really sinks in for me, and I realize I can deserve to be loved, if I truly love myself. I don't have to push it away. I can be happy with myself, on the inside.
I know I wouldn't have realized this without a lot of prayer, fasting, scripture study, therapy, and good mentors.
I have to choose to love myself everyday. I can't just say, ok I love myself, now lets go on. I have to try, I have to work at it. I hope once I have worked on loving myself, and really learned how to do it, I can give that love to those I care about. I know it will take a lot of work, at times, to show that I love someone, because lets be honest, no one is perfect, I won't always be happy with everyone I care about, but if I choose to love them, and choose that every day, I can love. I can be loved. I can love myself.
I recently read a story, sent from one of the greatest men I've ever known, Grandpa J Heslop. It is about a father and daughter talking the night before her wedding. She was describing what she thought love was, she was describing all the FEELINGS she felt. Her dad didn't talk for a while, and then said, can I add to that? He then went on to tell her that LOVE takes work, those feelings may go away at times, we won't always feel that newness of being "in love", but with choosing to love everyday, and fight through the bad times, we can know what LOVE is and really have it in our life.
I needed that story. It was the perfect time to hear it. Grandpa J is an inspired man, and I know he sent this to me at a time when I needed to hear it most. The only thing it left out was that to LOVE, you MUST love yourself first. I now get it. I will follow that rule everyday. I will strive to be the best me. I will strive to be a woman who people want to love, who people are excited to love, who people will see I want to be loved.