The Journey

Beck Malan Osmond....this is his story:

At the end of July 2008 I had a small feeling that I might possibly be pregnant again. With Paityn just about to be 11 months old, I didn't know what to think. Geoff went to the store early one morning, and brought back a package of pregnancy tests. I got out of bed, and took a test....a few minutes later the result was positive. I was pregnant! I had been getting "baby" hungry for a couple of months, but I wanted to wait until Paityn was at least a year old before beginning to try for another baby. Well, baby had a different idea! I had a difficult time accepting that I was really pregnant. Possibly because I was scared of being so sick again during pregnancy, and also, because I wanted it to just be me and Paityn for a while longer, no one else! I soon began getting sick, around 6 weeks along, so we gave the news to the family and close friends. Of course, the grandma's were thrilled! I continued the sickness until about 16 weeks, which was much less than when I was pregnant the first time around (thankfully).

At 13 weeks we found out we were having a boy....which I knew would be the case because of the "pencil test". I didn't know how to feel about this because I was so used to having a girl, and I loved having a baby girl. I knew it would just take time to adjust to the idea of a baby boy, I just didn't know how long that would actually take me! 

Now, to the last few weeks of pregnancy...I was getting more excited, but also had a lot of anxiety because I still didn't want to share my world with another child, I just wanted to give all I had to Paityn. We began getting his room ready, I made him a few blankets, and I made some decor for his room. I had a baby shower, given by my mother in law, Lyn. These little things all made things a little better...a little! 

I started my weekly doctor visits the 17th of February and on this visit, nothing had changed, I had not been feeling contractions, and the doctor decided not to check me. We were planning on possibly inducing me on March 6th if I had dilated at all by then. 

On February 25th, I had my second weekly doctor visit. This time, I was going to get checked to see if I had dilated. I had been having contractions off and on, and the night before I almost went to the hospital because my contractions were so close together and feeling quite strong. So, my doctor checked me, and said I was only dilated to a 1, which is not great at all! I was frustrated, and he could read right through me. He talked to me for a while and said that he could strip my membranes, and from what I had been told, it is painful, and only works 50% of the time, so I really didn't want to. Well, he talked me into it, and when he went to do it, he found that I was actually 3 + dilated, and 80% effaced. I guess my uterus must be tilted a tiny bit, so the first time he couldn't feel correctly. He told me that if I started to have any contractions that afternoon to come on in, and he would make sure they kept me, and he would start me into labor if needed. I got home around 3pm and began having contractions, but nothing bad.  I decided to clean the house, do the laundry, and pack my bags for the hospital.I started hysterically crying thinking this was the last little while it would just be me and Paityn. When Geoff got home we went on a short walk, and then I told him I thought we should go to the hospital. Lyn came over to stay with Paityn, and we were off. Of course, I had a hard time leaving, and cried on my way out the door. At this point, about 7:45, on our drive to IMC  I wasn't feeling too much pain, but I was having contractions a few minutes apart each time. We got checked in about 8:15, I had a few contractions once in the bed, but then not for a while. Since my doctor was on call, the nurse called him, and gave him an update and he told them to keep me there. I was positive for strep B, so they had to give me an antibiotic before giving birth, so they wanted that to be in me for about 4 hours. About 10, I think my contractions were getting stronger, but still not much pain. Around 11:30 pm I received the dreaded epidural,they gave me pitocin to speed things up, and then I tried to take a little nap. I think I rang for the nurse at 12:30, saying "I think he is coming out"! I felt a lot of pressure, but no pain. She called my doctor who had been at the hospital, he came in, I pushed for about 10 minutes and then he was here at 1:13 am on February 26, 2009. I got to hold him for a minute, and then they almost immediately took him to the nursery to check him out because his breathing was not right. At this point they thought he had swallowed some fluid on the way out, so they took him to the NICU. I didn't get to see him again until about 12 hours later, when I was well enough to go down to the NICU with Geoff. It was so good to see him, but he seemed to be in pain, breathing really hard.

Immediately upon entering the NICU they started him on antibiotics for pneumonia, and this continued for 7 days. He got better little by little, but it was so difficult for Geoff and I. I didn't know how bad it could get, and so I just worried every minute of every day. I knew it was bad when Geoff couldn't even keep his chin up! Geoff and Jerry (his step dad) gave Beck a blessing, and that made thing a little better. 

Having him in the NICU, and seeing him sick, made me love him more than I ever thought possible. There was one moment while I was able to hold him, with all of his wires, and IV connected, that I knew there was a reason for him being there, so we could go through this together, so I could spend extra time with him, and really be able to bond with my new little guy. I felt that Heavenly Father placed this trial in my life so that I would understand the importance of this child that I had brought into the world. I felt at peace, I felt that everything would be ok, it would just be a struggle so that I would love him just as much as I did Paityn. 

And now, as he lays here in my arms, I wonder how I ever thought I wouldn't have enough love for him, and I am beginning to understand that I can have Paityn mommy bonding as well as Beck mommy bonding, all at the same time.

I really, truly, LOVE my baby Beck!